rainy day blues.
I've hit a wall. I want to hole up in my little house for days and not let anyone in. This is my red flag for "willo needs some me time". Which, being the social butterfly I am, will only last for a couple days and I'll eventually be craving human interaction again... but right now I just want to selfishly get my life back in order.I stayed home all day yesterday and lastnight and it was so nice. It hasn't even had a chance to get really nice in a 'productive clean my house way' yet, cuz it just feels so good to be home and actually chill and do nothing for awhile. I worked for most of the day yesterday and then stopped around 8:30 or so, made dinner and tried to catch up on a little TIVO (before it started deleting recorded shows, since I haven't watched anything in weeks!!). It felt good to just chill and zone out... but it got late before I knew it and I had once again put myself to bed later than I would have liked.
I'm tired of giving people a line about being so busy. I feel like I've been bitching and whining about it... which I hate, too. I mean, I definitely have been sooo busy, but as with everything it's all by choice! I chose to take on these projects... and I choose to still go see 3-4 live shows a week... :) If I was only more of a dork, I'd be so productive! :p
Really being this busy with projects is so fantastic... and I think more than anything it's just surprised me! How is it possible that every day seems so short and my list is still so long? Let alone all the things I want and need to do for me! I look around and it seems like nobody else has this much to do... Everyone else had a luxurious 4 day weekend this weekend and I just felt like any other day where I have to just hurry up and start working to utilize the hours. So today I woke up thinking, "You know what? I'm tired of being sooo terribly busy and feeling like I can't catch up! I am starting Project Get Willo's Life Back in Order?!" This means cleaning my house, kicking this godfersaken cold once and for all by trying to get to bed early, and working as much as possible in between to get all the things done that I have to do.
*sigh* doesn't that sound familiar? Isn't that what I've been trying to do? That's what feels so f*g out of control is that I feel like I've been trying to do that and it's not working!!!
So part of my new project is that I will change the way I think of my busy-ness. Instead of bitching and whining, instead I will use the power of positive thinking! (a.k.a. maintain the illusion of control!) I will simply start saying "I am accomplishing everything on time and my life is in perfect order!" and "I have plenty of time!" and "My house is perfectly clean!" and maybe all of it will magically start happening :)
So, first things first... and today, as much as I don't want to, I'm getting my ass out of the house and going to the gym. I know some of this funk can be lifted just getting my body moving... and as much as I want to justify I don't have time, I know that going will only make me feel better, which will only make me more productive in my life. Or atleast I hope so, cuz right now I've got some serious rainy day blues.
