Thursday, May 29, 2003

Ok, I just have to say I'm so into Fu Manchu right now. After Jee mentioned they were playin at the Bottom of the Hill Friday night, I decided it's about time I listen to this "fu man chu" and download some songs! I like em... I'm listening to them know and I really dig it. I've just totally been missing the boat on this one!!

Kinda like how years ago I used to wonder what those "THE" Offspring CD's were, cuz by the time I got Offspring (Smash) in college & got way into them - it didn't say "THE" Offspring... and then when I asked somebody, they said they were two different bands - and I believed them!

The good news is that later in life I got a few of the older Offspring CD's and enjoyed them.

Something else is that I used to listen to Flaming Lips a ton about 9 years ago. My first year in college, I hung out with these two guys (and I have such a bad memory - I can't remember their names!) but we used to hang out all the time... and I'd go over there and we'd listen to Flaming Lips... they loved em - and knew all the words. I was like "eh" they're ok. I think these guys had seen them live - and I wished they had dragged me to a show 9 years ago! Because what I saw lastnight totally *rawked* and now I love them more than ever. thank you, goodbye.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
clean sheets are good.

wow... I'm not even a fan (yet) of Robbie Williams.... but man is this video hot!

for the record: I have a hard time with the rodeo part. growing up in steamboat... and being an animal lover has made me not such a fan. but anyway - the tub and makeout scenes are hot. robbie can look at me those steel blue eyes any day! mm!

Liz Phair/Flaming Lips
Three words: OH MY GAWD.
Five more: IT WAS SO F-ing AWESOME.

... and what she said. + a big kiss to wayne coyne, too.

Spring Cleaning.
Ladies! Clean out your bathroom cupboards and donate your un-used toiletries!! I know it's random... but when I moved I realized that under my sink I had TONS of toners, conditioners, lotions, origins samples, and more that I wasn't using! Oh - and a few bra's that I never wear - and you gotta figure there's women out there that'd be psyched on a new victoria's secret bra! So, girls in San Francisco - round up your goodies and donate here:

A Womans Place
1049 Howard St (between 6th & 7th)
(415) 487-2140

I called & they said they really need them. Do a good deed & clean out your bathroom, too!

Update: Enterance is on Russ (a small alley) and they take clothes, shoes, whatever!! :) *glowing from my good deed*

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

hot day in may.
mmmm..... It's-It.

WAHOO!!
Tonite is Liz Phair & Flaming Lips at the Warfield!! And Jane scored us tickets!

"Insecure men, sensing that their position in the world is threatened by a generation of strong women, have reverted to the most offensive and primal versions of manhood."

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

creepy crawly.
ok, this is where having a man around would actually be nice: there's a huge spider that's made him/herself a cozy little home (nest?) in the corner of my bathroom ceiling. update 6/1/03 - a photo, for the record:



so now i have to figure out how to get it down. first, I'm gonna need a ladder... and then - somehow I have to make sure that when I get it down - things don't go flying everywhere... or even the other way - squished to the wall... eewwwwwwww!!!!!! GAWD!! someone come over & do this for me!!! eeeww eeww eww!!

i'm having a glass of wine and blogging about it instead of doing it. nice huh? hahaa

ya, real funny 'till all those little creepy crawly's find my BED!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkk!

remind me to post my photos of "all the bugs I've found in this house so far" (well those that I could photograph anyway.)

spiders are quite popular in my new little home here. must be all the fruit trees out back. actually I have a theory that bernal heights will soon be taken over by spiders. i hope i'm out of town that weekend.



10:47pm - Update
ok... I did it. eewww.

unfortunately it went the squish direction. (double eeewwww)

it's all cleaned up now. fluuuuuush!

now to erase all that from my mind so I can eat my dinner (that was boiling over for 1/2 of that cuz I obviously had my mind on other things!!)

Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Thoughts on a Tuesday afternoon.
"i think i need some space to think"
(this is my desktop right now)

"jish's bday is this friday! i hope I can go meet up with all them after the matt nathanson show."

"My eyes hurt... I'm sleepy... I wish I could take a nap."

"I need to tell my little sister about Matt & I. She'll be sad I think... she loves Matt. (we all do)"

"I wish this shirt [I'm wearing] had a button on the side instead of a snap. Every time I stretch or take a deep breath, I hear a "pop!" and I must then reach down & fix it before the whole darn wrap unravels."

"I wish I had someone that I knew who was really good in Photoshop and with web design, that I could sit down and think tank with... and someone who could show me some new tricks!" (this also applies to illustrators)

"I can't wait to go home & see my kitty."

poorly formatted emails = ug.
sorry to those on my email list who just received my "news"... I see now that the formatting didn't come out so pretty on the other side... some wrapping issue I guess. Now I know!

Monday, May 26, 2003

YAY! Little Max (son of our friends Cort & Nicki) just learned to walk! Max will be 1 years old on June 20th < We share the same birth date!

AK! We just had a mini-earthquake!!! My heart is racing... and my tongue feels numb. I'm bloggin about it cuz I'm here alone in my little house - my kitty is still sleeping, barely phased. spooooky!

If you felt it, too, report it here.

Sunday, May 25, 2003

Custom Illustration: Birth Announcement
I've been working on a little mini-project for my friends Elana & David recently. It's a birth announcement for their new baby boy, Zach, who is their second child and new baby brother to 2 year old Marissa. Which means it's important to watch 2 year old Marissa veeerrry closely to make sure she doesn't kill baby Zach when no one's looking! :) And most of the time it's all very innocent, ya know? Marissa's just tryin to help the little guy out... so what if that means the heaviest toy comes crashing down on his head? Or that her hug happens to strangle him till he cant breath? Or... that Marissa just wants baby Zach to meet their soft kitty Kemer!?

Thursday, May 22, 2003

I will FINALLY be watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding tonite. I think I'm the last one to see it! Well, me and Jee that is, who is coming over to watch it with me :) Except I rented a VHS cuz I only have a TV/VCR combo --- or rather I did only have that - cuz I actually just bought a new TV today (ya craigslist!) and lugged my combo downstairs for my landlords to use. oy! Now I gotta lug it back up & do the switch again! I need a massage!!!

I'm working from home tomorrow and am crossing my fingers that our cable modem will finally start magically working and I can get online at home! cross your fingers, too, k?

This weekend I'm going to the East Bay to pick up a cute little RED farm bench that will look great in my house (again, another craigslist score). And I'm also having lunch with an old friend from high school - Molly Butcher!! (if anyone is reading this from high school - HI!) Our 10 year reunion is this summer, which makes me feel a little old, but I'm sure to some of you you're like "wow, she's young!". aaah, I'll take that statement ANY DAY! :p Anyway - it'll be cool to see Molly after sooooooooo many years. The best part about living through the years of school - is that eventually they're in the past and everyone grows up! (or atleast one would hope, I certainly know some that haven't grown up much past the junior high level.)

This weekend is Carnaval - and I'll be checking out the parade on Sunday for sure!! I'm also hopin to get my booty to a movie this weekend - and maybe even out to the mountains for some hiking. Let's hope this great sunny weather holds up!!

p.s. I want a Flotaki rug and a red couch.

p.s.s. Wanna buy my TV/VCR combo??

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Happy Birthday, Kazoobie!!
Yes, today we're celebrating Kazoo's 2nd birthday!!!!

Happy Birthday, Kazoo!!!

"It's good to be king."

This morning my little birthday boy fuzzy pants got treated to some yummy salmon treats first thing! And tonite Matt is coming over to bring his gifts for Kazoo and we're going to have a little mini-bday party :)

p.s. here's kazoobie in some of his favorite places in our new house (and photos of what he looks like now at 2 years old :)

Monday, May 19, 2003

I'm here!

Sorry I've been go so long, didja miss me? :p I was stuck in my house all day Friday (without my lifeline of an internet connection) waiting for the stupid SBC phone guy - all to find out at 5:30 they're like - awww sorry bout that, didn't they tell you you didn't need to be home? NO! At 11:30am when I called to see where the heck they were at (pissed I couldn't go run & get a cup of coffee) the SBC customer service guy said "Sorry, ma'am - you've got to be there from 8-6pm" grrrrrr. Anyway, come the end of that day, my phone STILL isn't hooked up & working!! I have to call today & see whats up with that. This is the *PAIN* of moving.

Saturday I hopped around to a few garage sales, and scored some great finds! An absolutely beautiful antiquey dresser type thing (Sebastian, a furniture maker I met Saturday night, knew the name for it, but I can't remember now). Anyway - it is beautiful - has GOT to be worth more money than I paid for it - I got it for $30!!! I also picked up a cheese grader (25¢), a wine rack ($1) and 2 Cakebread wine glasses (cuz I love Cakebread wine... well that - and they were only a $1). Gotta love garage sales!!

Saturday night Jee & I went over to Kat's party - wooo hooo!! [5/20/03: Photos posted!] What a FUN night!! Jonas was DJ'ing and we were all shakin our groove thang's somethin fierce!! It was HOT HOT HOT :) I met a lot of really nice people, enjoyed some great "fire side chats" and, being the official party photographer that I was, I even got to take some riské photos of a cute girl! Now that's my kind of party!

Oh! I finally met Alyx, too! She said she was hoping to find me at the party, after seeing my name on the evite - we'd never met, but had emailed via Ryze for months trying to hookup for lunch sometime! It was great to finally meet her!

Sunday Jane & I had a mondo garage sale! Clothes galore, books, shoes, and more... we actually made out pretty good! Jason, Stig, Doug, Ev, Courtney and Lane all stopped by for a visit, too! We even plan to have another one to sell the rest (Jane has more clothes than a small consignment shop!!) I just have a few things left - Oh, and then there's Doug who showed up around 1 or 2pm with his small collection of GAP shirts, pants & sweaters that any fashion saavy man on a budget would be delighted to discover at a garage sale.

Heh - grabbing links, I just read Jane's summary of the day - and she covers the rest of what I was going to say - about the signage & all.

p.s. her cookies were damn good.

Oh - and as I sit here I am also writhing in pain from VERY sunburned shoulders and back :( I'm soo mad about it actually. I HATE the idea of getting sunburned with NO sunscreen on. I left mine at home & I guess Jane didn't have any... so as much as I tried to start staying out of the sun later in the afternoon, the damage had already been done. Please God, don't give me skin cancer!

Photos of the whole supa' fun weekend (and even some of my unbearably cute kitty, who is finding all sorts of places in our new house to look absolutely adorable) will be posted very soon... I'm prayin my Wi-Fi will *finally* be flowing by this evening.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

Tivo Lovers:
Now you can "tivo" your radio with Radio YourWay
Or a cheaper solution for stations that broadcast over the internet: Replay Radio

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

organization fanatic.
My closet is SO organized!! I love being organized. Everything sits so perfectly on my new bathroom shelves. Actually one might think I have some serious stock in Origins, because one shelf has practically every product in their skin care line: moisturizers, toners, eye creams, and more. I love Origins.

My bathroom is huge in this new place - a luxury you just don't find quite that often in San Francisco. Actually, most might not say it's that "huge", cuz there are definitely larger bathrooms in the world - I'm just so used to the cramped little bathrooms you get in these old victorians! The fact I can buy a little bathroom shelf/cabinet unit, and have a space on the floor for it is awesome! Plus I have a clawfoot tub, which adds wonderful character & charm. Kazoobie loves hangin out in the bathroom while I shower.. but he's a little bummed about the clawfoot tub cuz he's not able to sit on the edge since it's so rounded. He was trying to figure out if he could this morning, and I was a little afraid he might fall in the water soaked tub!

There's a elementary school right next door - SO right next door that my bedroom window looks down into classroom. Buddy boy sits on the bed & watches the kids and they look up and smile at him... it's so cute. I know he loves that he can see humans moving about, since the rest of the apt looks out onto our beautiful back garden. But there are some visitor cats that will find out he's moved in sooner or later. Actually, before I had brought Kazoo over, a very handsome & playful cat named Brewster made his way into my living room and casually started playing with one of Kazoo's toys that was sticking out of a box. I hope they get along... Brewsters a sweetie and seems very comfortable just browsing through other people's homes. :)

My shoes are lined up, my sweaters stacked, old stuff packed & stored, wrapping paper & gift bags all in one place, snowboarding gear all in one crate, closet clothes hung by type: tank tops, shirts, sweaters, pants, skirts, dresses, jackets. aaah... to be organized.

One of my future posts will be about all the wonderful lists I've made through this time in my life. I love lists. I even make lists of lists I want to make!!

Monday, May 12, 2003

Home is where the fuzzy pants is.
So I'm all moved - oy! It was actually really smooth... I highly recommend One Big Man, One Big Truck. (well except for the wink the guy gave me saying goodbye - eeww) but then again, if I was a (horny) man seeing a girl moving into a place all by herself, I'd probably give her a little wink, too. BUT from a womans perspective it's like: You idiot! You think I'm really gonna be like, "Hey mover guy - maybe you & I could get together some time? I'm in a really funky space cuz I've just seperated from my boyfriend, nothing like makin the pain go away by inviting a grunting mover over for a good time." EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that was all really harsh to write out here. But I'm just going to leave it. FUCK IT!!!! That's what I have to say.

So back to the lovely place I've moved into - and the title of this post... which is about how I've brought my darling fuzzy kitty to our new home lastnight. He did really good and was just LOVEY as ever... it was soooooo cute. And he still did his morning routine this morning of sleeping under the covers with me. I just love this little guy so much. I think he's really going to be happy in our new little home. I am so far!! It's really dreamy, which makes this move soo much easier. The fact that I can come home and not help but smile when I see my cute little place. I think I fall in love with it more in more each minute. Especially the more I unpack... it's just right for *me* and *my* stuff is everwhere. And it feels really good.

Thank you so much Karrie & Anissa who sent me your loving thoughts. And Jake, Michelle, Justyn, John, Jane and my Momma, who have touched base to make sure I'm doing ok. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful, supportive network.

Saturday, May 10, 2003

The Breakup (Posted February 2004)

Ok... I realize I never really wrote out what happened w/ Matt & I... When it was all going down, I just didn't know what was going to happen with us. And I knew he was reading my blog periodically, so I didn't feel comfortable in summing it all up and having him read that, ya know?

Well, now it's 2004 - and I'm feeling enough distance from it all that I think I can safely spill the summary now. So for those of you who are curious or searching back for "the story" - here ya go:

Basically we'd been dating for 4.5 years (1999 to mid 2003 - and living together for 2.5 years of that) and after all that time we just weren't sure we wanted to take the next step: Marriage.

That's the simple story for it anyway. There's always many, many layers to a relationship - and we both learned a lot about who we are and what we're looking for. And really, we were really close for eachother... so close that it's not like any one big thing happened for us to split up... it was just more about realizing we needed to be honest with ourselves and be strong enough to explore the alternative, before another 4.5 years went by.

I had some doubts about him being "the one" over the years - and as I got older and was learning more and more about myself and what I wanted in life, I just wasn't feeling like it was right. Granted, I could picture it for sure. I wanted more than anything to believe it could work, because I loved him very much... but as I got more direct with questioning myself - and him - we realized we might want to try seperating for awhile and see if that distance helped clear it up.

For the months surrounding it, before and after, it was absolutely heart breaking. And dissapointing and scary and all of that. I felt like we'd worked so hard for something for so many years... we'd seen so many friends get married and have babies... I loved his family and my family absolutely adores him. It was hard to believe it was coming to an end.. but the closer it got, the more it felt like as hard as it was... it was what I needed to do for me. And I had to believe that if we were truly meant for eachother, that a seperation wouldn't keep us apart.

Well, seperating did clear it up. A lot. I can see very clearly now why we had to go our seperate ways. But it's still very hard for me to even say that because of that small part of me that for some reason still to this day wants to believe all those years, forming such a wonderful bond with one person, weren't just a waste of time. But that's something I've learned too. It wasn't a waste at all... and I know that in my heart and who I am today. I learned so much in that relationship! I feel very fortunate to have had Matt in my life. He's SUCH an amazing person... it breaks my heart to think about how much I love him still. How much I wish I could make him happy and have us be happy together. We had such a wonderful, loving, and fun relationship.

We still talk... but we don't see eachother much. I think it's a little hard to be around eachother still. I sometimes feel like we don't really have much in common anymore... Except we'll always have one thing in common - our love for our kitty Kazoobie. Matt got me Kazoo and we raised him for the first 2 years of his life, since he was just a weee little 4 week old meeper! Matt will always be Kazoo's Daddy, and I'm glad that he wants to stay in his life so much because honestly he's the one person that can understand my absolute head over heals love for my kitty :)

So it's a good thing. It was sad - but now I'm really clear on it and happy and free!!!

I'm enjoying my time on my own so much I can hardly believe it. I am doing a ton of fun things like going to shows and meeting new people... things that I always wanted to do more, but Matt didn't like to do all the time.

I love, love, love my little home all to myself.. and my kitty and I have formed this amazing bond that I never thought possible.

I am not looking for another relationship anytime soon! Right now I'm sorta dating this guy - but even that is SO not anything... we're just having fun & it's just for now (and yes, we both know that). I like to consider myself still totally free and single and NOT looking. I am too busy to deal with a guy.. uuh... unless he happens to want to go to shows with me and party with me and stuff :) hahaa... see how that all works out?

SO there ya go. Thanks to all my friends and family who were there for me throughout it all. I had such an amazing support group. :)

Oh - and if you find this and you're going through something similar... I recommend repeating this to yourself on a daily (if not hourly) basis to help yourself constantly gain a healthy perspective on it all:

SHIT HAPPENS.

It does... shit happens and then guess what? It gets better. I promise :)

::::::::::
keywords: breakup, matt, ex-boyfriend, seperation, split-up, broken heart, moving out, etc. :)

Thursday, May 08, 2003

Ch-ch-ch-changes....
There are big changes happening in my life right now.

I'm moving! Yup, you read it right... and it's entirely possible that if you're reading this & you know me well or are a family member, that this is news to you. (sorry) I've really not told many people at all... so if you are wondering "what the heck?", please contact me and touch base. I'm not exactly shoutin this news from rooftops, cuz I'm moving for kind of a sad reason.... a reason that I can't bring myself to spill on this blog.

So anyway - an overall FYI: I'm moving & wont be updating too much (for a couple days anyway, hence my lack of posting this week as well)

On a lighter note - the good news is that I'm pretty excited about my new home... so at least that's good in this crazy time. Plus my kitty, Kazoo is coming with me, so that's happy. Kazoo will like our new little place on Treat Ave., after all - that is his favorite thing - treats!)

Ok, that's all I really have to say right now.

p.s. Universe: I'm open to receiving positive thoughts, supportive friends and kind wishes during this time.

Monday, May 05, 2003

I had a super fun weekend. Friday night I had yummy thai food - my favorite: yellow chicken curry. Saturday Andrea & I went down to the DeAnza Flea Market where my brother Max was set up, selling his Om Gallery merchandise. I picked up a few shirts & shoes that I'm psyched to wear. I was super impressed to see all the great clothes, bags & lanterns they have - it's really nice and their business's name is on the tags and everything! This business is really taking off. I'm so proud of the kid - he rocks!

Saturday night I had a few friends over for a fiesta!! I made some mean tacos & we mixed & drank many pitchers of delicious margaritas. It was awesome. Max came up from Santa Cruz, Stig & Rob came over, and my new kick ass friend John too! John even brought an awesome girl named Shannon, who is a singer! She sings jazz/bossa nova and teaches singing lessons too! (will post link to her later) I myself always tout that if I had one wish, it'd be to have such an amazing voice that people would actually like to hear me sing! haha! Instead in reality, I'm on of those "my voice sucks and no lessons would ever help, I promise" but she (and most singing instructors that I've met) cares to differ - so who knows. Maybe I'll just get up the guts to allow her to hear my 'dying cow' vocals and maybe even surprise myself! :)

This also reminded me that I should at some point take a few drumming lessons to get that passion out of me toO! I can't just sit around wishin I was something when all I have to do is go out & learn it & just be it!

Anyway - so the night goes on, we're having a great time & around 10pm we all sauntered down to the El Rio. We unfortunately missed the Amazon Mollies but the other two bands were pretty fun to check out. We just all enjoyed hangin with eachother most of all. It was a riot! We even hit the good ol' Odeon for a drink or two before callin it a night. Damn, what a good time!!!! :)

So far this year I've read: "Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius", "Lovely Bones" & "Into the Forest". Now I'm starting "Stupid White Men" and "Generations"... not to mention all the great designy/DIY mags I get and hardly have had time to sit down & peruse! :) I'm also looking forward to reading "The Corrections", "White Oleander"and Ayn Rand's "Fountainhead".

Sunday, May 04, 2003

books, books & more books
whenever I go over to peoples houses, I love to look at the books that fill their bookcases. What's been filling this mind? What interests them? Who knows, maybe they haven't read any of them - or they've got a few stacked in there that may never be read. Either way, it's a little window into a person and what makes them tick.

So, I created a peek into the bookshelves in our house. My shelves are full of design books & mags - and a bunch of journals full to the brim with doodles. Inspirational books like SARK and my collection of Calvin & Hobbs.

I have read a lot of wonderful books in the last couple years, but come to think of it I borrowed most of them so they're not adoring these shelves. (something to keep in mind when you're peering through a strangers bookshelves - there's always more than meets the eye!)

Matt has a bunch of plays and acting books in there along with his fictional favorites. And then of course we have all of our toys that sit & keep all the books company!

Friday, May 02, 2003

My friend John sent me this awesome link today for
The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players. This rockin little 9 year old (!!) plays drums & sings in this band with her Mom & Dad - and they're sweepin the nation :)

Check out this article NPR wrote on them - especially the multi-media link. You won't be dissapointed.

Lastnight I met Jee downtown for a walk through 49 Geary. We only saw a few galleries before most of them closed, and then decided to head over to 111 Minna for the opening of Re-start. There we got ourselves some tasty drinks, met her friend Mike, and looked in awe at his friend, Tiffany Bozic's incredible paintings. I want one!! She is soo talented! The whole Re-start show is excellent - definitely get down there & check it out. I hadn't been to 111 Minna in SOO long that I hadn't even seen their expansion... it looks great.