time suck(s)
life is a time suck! i can't even go into it, but let's just say i'm feeling a little frustrated with 'time' lately. i don't like that it takes hours here & there to take care of all the tedious little tasks being a human requires. can't you see that gets in the way from me working & finishing projects and then starting new ones (hech hemm, namely my own)!? blah!don't listen to me, i'm just being cranky. i mean, really, i'm complaining that i had a dentist appointment when i really want to finish a project. POOR ME.
maybe it's this rain? i think i need to go workout actually. all i know is i feel like I say no to fun things all the time in exchange to do work. which i really, really enjoy, and it's my choice, as i actually often prefer to work! but it sometimes can leave me miffed, like "does everyone else make more time for fun in their lives?" or maybe it's more dumbfounded, like "can i really be expected to get anything accomplished in life when there's only a short time left in each day after sleeping (and other basic maintenance tasks such as bathing, eating, etc)?"
things i have spent stupid amounts of valuable time on lately:
- dentist yearly checkup. ~ 2 hours (parking & travel time included in these)
- obgyn yearly checkup. ~ 2 hours
- figuring out how much money I can afford to put in my IRA for 2005
(gulp, not as much as I'd like after the giganto hunk of taxes i have to pay)
- cleaning my house (I had to forgo my workout that day for the 1.5 hour clean up job instead)
- writing this post
i just wish i had time to do it all! it feels annoying constantly getting to the end of every day with more to do... with to do items unfinished. and it's sure as hell not for a lack of trying - i'm working my ass off over here!
i think i am feeling overwhelmed. and not even really by work... but by things like how many great books i want to read, how many awesome magazines i have all over my house but feel like i'll never get through and when i do, what will i gain? will i bookmark everything that's interesting and actually follow up on them? go to the website, remember the tip, save the recipe, etc. i mean shit! there's so many cool sites and blogs and cartoons and projects and people out there... i'm probably missing so much all by running on my own teeny hamster wheel all day every day!
alright.. so that's pretty much it. i'm cranky & i just had to vent it out. blah!
UPDATE, 10 minutes later: Continuing the conversation with myself...
First of all, I think this has come up today especially because of, what is now a common term in our fast-paced society: INFORMATION OVERLOAD. I went to a bunch of cool websites I had bookmarked, that led me to a bunch of other cool websites and projects and artists and awesome designy stuff, and by the end of it I find myself in a downward spiral of feeling like I'm not doing enough. "Not enough" is the stupidest feeling. I basically just did #1, #5 & #10 on the How to Feel Miserable as an Artist list (thank you keri smith!).
So here's the deal (more talking to myself):
- You are not defined by your accomplishments
- You have plenty of time to be fabulous in life. In fact guess what? YOU ALREADY ARE! (ask misty! haha)
- This (feeling) too will pass.
- You are kicking ass & taking names lately, and just because you're not SUPERHUMAN, doesn't mean you're not doing a great job!
- Life is just as much about the small little tasks we need to do to take care of ourselves, as it is the things we do for friends, family members or clients. I think someone wrote a book on this... Don't sweat the small stuff. :) You have to take care of yourself and it's good you take the time to do so. Ignoring those areas wouldn't help anyone, particularly yourself, in the long run. Stop beating yourself up about it.
- You make time for fun in your life. Working hard and for long hours is a choice. Don't be a victim of your own choices.
Instead of "shoulding" yourself to death (I should do laundry, I should go workout, I should upload my photos, I should fix my calendar, I should redesign my portfolio site, I should blah blah blah), take solace in the fact that you're doing a kick ass job at scheduling your life and getting shit done. You can't do it all in a day, it will always take time. Our days in this life are made up of this and they consist of choices we make. You don't have to read all the books at the same time. You can throw some magazines away or know you don't have to get something out of everything... reading can be a relaxing escape, it doesn't all have to be about productivity.
Bargaining: I will work for 3 more hours tonite, till 11, and then I can watch TiVo or a movie (this is my ultimate relaxation) and CHILL! You deserve it!
