my message to teens and pre-teens (uh... and adults, too)
1. Life is Tough
Sorry to say it, but it just gets tougher. You think you've got it rough now? Going to school is so hard? Fitting in is so hard? Working all day just to get up & do it all over again? Well, get used to it. As life goes on we soon realize that sometimes daily life takes the best attitude you can muster. Some days are horrible and some days are great, but the good news is as long as we keep putting one foot in front of the other, we can continue to see the good days and enjoy our lives. And really, as tough as it may seem some days, life is also AMAZING and is full of the most joyous, thrilling, wonderful moments you could ever wish for. Hang in there.
2. Memorize this saying:
"It's none of my business what you think of me."
I think it was from some book years back, that I never read, but I LOVE the message. What others think of you shouldn't even matter. I know it can seem like it does sometimes - and certainly there's an element of caring what people think that can help keep us in check - but in all reality, why are you caring what these other people think?
For example, you might be self-conscious and think Person A is thinking something about you. Well, you really don't know what they're thinking. And it doesn't matter! Whatever their range of emotions might be, it probably has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Jealousy, fear, or just plain curiosity. Person A might have given you a look and not smiled, because you haven't smiled at them... so you're tied. Honestly most people are very self-absorbed and you may think they're thinking something about you - but 90% of the time, Person A is probably wondering what you're thinking about them! (Surprise them and smile!)
Life's too short to get caught up worrying about what everyone else thinks. You can't please everyone, so instead take that energy to just listen to what makes you happy and do as you please. Give to others and treat others as you would like to be treated - and I can guarantee that people around you will notice. They'll see a more confident, carefree, giving person who just wants to have fun and not be bogged down by the details. And if you're not as guarded and you try to open up without feeling so intimidated (aka worried about what they think) then you just might make a new friend!!
3. YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE.
Everyone thinks they're different or weird. I feel like I'M different & weird!!! I feel like a total alien sometimes! But, thing is, there's certain people I am around that make me feel great, and others that don't.
Think of a friendship that totally made you feel normal... A friend you could be silly or sad or crazy or just plain boring around and it was OK. There are more friendships in your future like that! Don't feel like an off-friendship is any reflection on you - sometimes people just don't click. Find people you feel good around... even if it's just one person. And if you don't know anyone around you, then one of those people just might be a new friend you totally click with... so you've got nothing to lose. Try being a friend to someone else who looks like they need it or try connecting with someone about something you're both doing, or ask them if they've ever done (insert one of your hobbies)... It might feel awkward at first, but they might be just as nervous as you are. After the first couple sentences it will be less awkward - and you just might find yourself a new friend! (If you're apprehensive to try this, read #2 again)
4. There is life after school!!!
Junior High was HELL for me. Well, not entirely - I can remember moments and days of super silliness and bonds with friends like I had never felt before, but I had my dark days FOR SURE. Same with High School - and honestly, I don't think I would ever do it again... but the good news is you don't have to!! Time ticks on and years go by and WALA! You're FREE!!!! SO if anything, please just remember that this micro-society you're stuck in will be a thing of the past some day and by that time you'll have made memories that will last you forever and you'll be onto bigger and better things. So please, don't take it so seriously. It's just school. You'll make it through, I promise.
5. I know you've heard it a thousand times before - but I cannot stress enough one of the KEYS to getting through life is ATTITUDE.
I have had some serious ups & downs in my life (as we ALL have, see #1 & #3) but I finally realized that the ONLY thing I could control is my attitude. I can either go into something with a bad attitude or a good one. I can either choose to be happy or I can just make it worse by blaming everyone else and throwing a big ol' pity party, have a temper tantrum, probably hurt someone's feelings in the process and dig myself even deeper. Hmm - which one's easier?
I think it can be hard when you don't know what the heck these strange and huge emotions are, especially when you're knee deep in the quagmire! So try journaling your feelings out, or even asking someone if they'll listen. But if you talk it out with someone, know that you don't have to come to some solution or make them feel guilty for not fixing your problem... Just state that you just want to be heard and see if it makes you feel better. Sometimes even asking for a hug can help.
Having a good attitude can be as simple as, "I totally don't want to do this, but I guess I'll just give it my best shot". Or even make light of it somehow by just plain out admitting, "Man oh man, I feel totally lost in this situation and I don't like the feeling at all!" (put on a funny frowny face) :)
It's OK to be vulnerable and feel lost. You don't have to know what's going on or be right. We can have off days and not be so happy about things, but truly there's a way you can try to be a good sport about it and know that it's not forever. Remember that the one thing you can always count on is CHANGE. You're not a victim to your surroundings, you can reinvent yourself at any time. Make your life what YOU want it to be: Listen to your feelings, make lists of the person you want to be and the things you want to do. If you set goals and have the right attitude, the change that happens in your life can be in the direction YOU want it to go.
Lastly, I lend you my favorite expression (used by many for centuries, but here I'll clean it up a little for the young crowd): POOP HAPPENS.
It's true! :) Life is tough, but it's a lot easier if you can stop worrying so much about what other people think of you, keep in mind you're not the only one that feels out of place at times, and that bad days (or months) won't last forever. Try to have a good attitude about things, and if all else fails - just remember: Sometimes poop just happens.
