nightmares
I used to have nightmares probably about 2x/month... and my ex got really good at sensing the signs of my needing to be woken up out of one... as the only thing I could consistently bring my physical body to do was to rock back and forth a little bit... and know that if I could just get my body to do that, I might be lucky enough to wake matt up & then he could wake me up. It's torture when you're in a nightmare that you can't wake yourself up out of... so matt was so helpful for those scary times.Funny thing is though, is that in these last 7 months of living on my own now, I haven't been having nightmares hardly at all. (interesting, huh?)
Except I had not just one lastnight, but 2!
The first one was me having a nightmare within my dream. I do this a lot - dream within my dream - and then wake up in my dream to tell someone about the dream I was having (all while still dreaming). I am an extremely lucid dreamer - I call it "Major Motion Picture Dreaming" cuz I can most often tell very intricate details, down to the temperature, what people were wearing, what was going on in the background, etc. Not that it makes sense all the time, but I can remember quite a bit. I also am often aware that I am dreaming and can often take charge of a situation a little better.
Ok - so lastnight's first nightmare, in the awake part, was that I was interviewing with this group of people at this corporation. (already a nightmare :) They were talking about these various duties - very corporate boring, suck your life dry work... and I was trying to smile and act interested - but in my heart I just felt totally depressed about the prospect of the job, and I didn't want to be there. The group of us interviewing were all women - and there was a place for all of us, so it wasn't competitive, it was more like we were almost about to start training and such. But it was all very stuffy and restrictive.
That night the girls & I all slept in the same bed (don't get any ideas, there was no hanky panky), and this girl I know from High School was sleeping next to me. My nightmare was about us taking off in a plane the next day... and as we were about 5 minutes into the air, we looked up (as if we could see through the top of the plane) and realized another plane was flying over us. We seemed happy about it at first, like "oh cool"... and then we realized it had just dropped something on us... a bomb. :(
It wasn't long before it hit us and everything went black... and I had this moment of realizing I was actually going to die and that this was it. I could no longer say hello or goodbye to anyone I know and love.
At this point, I realized it couldn't possibly be happening and I must have been dreaming - so within my dream I started to do my rock back & forth thing, and hope that the girl sleeping next to me would feel it and know to wake me up. I tried so hard and rocked back and forth - and tried to scream, but nothing came out and she didn't wake up to notice. Finally I woke up or she woke me up or I finally screamed... and it was all so traumatic I just remember feeling really sad and zapped - and alone in my traumatic experience.
The next day at our corporate job (which by the way was in this AMAZING high rise, probably on like the 60th floor or something) we were talking more about all the boring details of the job... and I'm thinking in my head about all the plans I have and creative ideas - and how I *so* do not need to be at this dumb corporate job. So, about 1/2 way through it I just stood up and said (something like) "This job is going to suck the life out of me and I must get out of here NOW!"
And that's just what I did.
::::::::::: next dream: (I'll try to make this one short)
A friend & I were doing something in this house, sorta like a game or gambling in away, cuz we were trying to get these pennies down this hole in the exact right spot, and we had to turn this handle to flip it down there. We started realizing it wasn't working because there were all these newspapers covering the hole... and when we looked down there we realized there was another part of the house down there, but I didn't know how to get to it. Next thing we know one of the newspapers caught fire and fell down to the bottom floor, and caught a rug on fire. We saw all this happen and knew we needed to get down there as soon as possible or the hole house would be up in flames!! We screamed to the lady who owned the house that we needed to find fire extinguishers and get down to the bottom level as soon as possible. She said that she didn't know how to get down there either, and although she was panicked, she wasn't doing anything about it!! I was FREAKING OUT, knowing that every single MINUTE it was getting more and more out of control and we simply HAD to find a way! I tried throwing water down the opening of the hole, but I only had a glass and couldn't find any buckets and the lady wasn't helping... (chaos) SO I encourage her to have us atleast try to find a way in - and so we went next door to her neighbors (that she rented out to, she actually owned the whole place, so it was extremely frustrating that she was so incapable of knowing this detail of her own frickin house!!) and so this renter of hers is also just way casual, chatting and not letting us frantically find the opening through his place. At this point I'm yelling - and then I realize that it's a nightmare, so I start trying to yell out here, hoping if I hear my voice it will pull myself out of the nightmare. (repeat this feeling for what seemed like forever) and then I finally woke up.
:( nightmares are scary. Needless to say - I woke up kinda depressed this morning. I went to work out anyway, cuz I knew it would only help my mood... but having restless sleep like that makes me feel like I could use a couple more hours. Rebecca says I'm also probably down cuz I had soo much fun over the weekend, and now reality is here and I have to work. And ain't that the truth!! :) But part of me is happy it's another week... it's fresh and new and I *WILL* get a ton done today.
sweet dreams.
