comforts of home
Today I?m feeling kinda sad. I?m having urges to medicate (however, I know no drug or drink will really help, so I don't). I want to be around people who I can relate to ? whom I know, they know me, they interest me, they want to hold me and love me... and I want to be loved by them.I feel like crying. I feel a big lump in my throat.
I am remembering old memories. One I will never forget was when my family and I were moving out of our small duplex and into a house in town. I was about 12 or 13 at the time and the 40 something year old lady who lived in the other side of our duplex was more my friend than my parents. She was from the east coast. She was independent, creative and told it like it is. She also had this cool bed type of recliner that you could turn on and it massaged your whole body, with a neat remote to control it?s speed and rhythm for your neck, back or legs.
When I was home sick and my parents were at work, she would come over offering me her yummy homemade soup. I was sure it was her soup that made me get better every time. I found out after a couple weeks of spending time with her that she was fighting cancer. She would often talk about loves she?d had in her life and comforted me through my adolescent ordeals by reminding me that life would always change and I would grow up and every passing month and year would bring something new. That life as I knew it, and all the pain that occasionally came with it, would eventually pass.
When I found out we were moving from that duplex, I was sad that I would no longer have my wise friend next door. I knew I had to start packing up my room and found myself really overwhelmed. I didn?t like that nothing would ever be the same. The thought of change wasn?t comforting anymore, but instead felt scary and big and made me want to keep everything in my room just as it was and never leave.
My friend reminded me of how wonderful moving can be. That my new place was better and I?d have a new view out my window, and be closer to my school. She helped me with my anxiety of packing by suggesting I didn?t have to organize or preserve anything in any certain way? Pointing out that I was moving so close, all I really had to do was throw everything in boxes and I could unpack it and organize it on the other end, in my new home. It helped. I didn?t have to think about what I was packing or how it was going to arrive. I all of sudden realized that everything around me was a part of me and as long as it was going where I was going, no matter how perfectly arranged or packed, that it would still be with me and everything would be ok. And it was.
Today I feel like I want someone to comfort me through these changes in my life. Remind me that it?s just right the way it is and that everything is going to be ok.
